When televised poker really hit its ratings peak several years back, I picked up on one of my favorite terms - "On Tilt".  In poker this term is used to describe the situation when a player either gets beat badly or plays right into someone's bluff and loses a big hand.  He then starts steaming, ranting, and muttering about how he shouldn't have been in the hand in the first place or something similar. His attitude shifts, negatively affecting his play, to the point that even the weakest players start to take advantage of him and suddenly he finds himself "on tilt" unable to recover.

Have you ever felt like your life was on tilt?  You're dealt a decent hand, things seem to be going very well, but one thing happens - something happens you did not anticipate, something does not go as planned, someone or something does not behave as you think they should...  Next thing you know - more and more things start unraveling and you can't seem to find the pieces, let alone the peace of mind, to start rebuilding your chip stack and get back to your winning ways...

The top professional poker players can recover fairly quickly, they are only "on tilt" for a hand or two and are then able to right themselves.  In my life, being "on tilt" seems to last days if not weeks.  I become a slave to either the anger, the anxiety, or I fall into destructive thoughts or habits that I can't seem to shake. Once "on tilt" I become agitated at the smallest things which only further delays my ability to break through it.

For other people I know, they've told me that when they go on tilt they tend to experience boredom, restlessness, loneliness, or even depression.  It takes a jolt of excitement or huge momentum swing to get them to shake it all off.

As much as I wish I'd never experience being "on tilt", I do have a huge desire to minimize the the time I spend "on tilt" and grow to the point that I rarely if ever experience this condition.

So, here are some ways I use to either help me stay OFF tilt or recover quickly when those feelings of frustration kick in:

1.  Refusing to give in or give up.  A real professional poker player, much like a prize fighter, doesn't quit.  Hanging tough even when recovering form the anxiety seems impossible or impractical.  I look for a few little wins (win a couple of small hands) as a start and build from there and make sure I sustain that momentum towards a great finish!
2. Forgiveness. I find I can recover much more quickly based on the freedom that forgiveness provides.  I am liberated from wasting energy forming and maintaining a grudge. Energy much better spent on doing what I ought to do for more consistent and level-headed play.
3. Return To Center.  For me that center is Jesus Christ and His word.  I know that through Him and the Spirit he has placed in me, I have everything necessary to shake off the anger and frustrations that have a grip on me.  

When I keep my head down, keep my feet of faith moving, practice forgiveness, and focus on His principles and promises - I find I experience far fewer or much shorter periods of being "on tilt."

Have you ever felt your life was on tilt?

How do you recover?

Tags: momentum | forgiveness

So, in my first few blogs I’ve shared some ideas on being an Armor Bearer. I will eventually move on to other blog topics – particularly around leadership, humor, life lessons, and maybe a few tricky topics to help stretch myself and others. But, before I move on I wanted to address a few comments I’ve heard from others about this site.

I’ve been asked, how does “Serving and supporting in the spirit of armorbearing” make you a better leader, manager, consultant, husband, father, or someone I can trust to get the job done?  In other words, if the attitude of an armor bearer is one of servanthood in which you attend to, care for, help, assist, and encourage other leaders – how does that make you a leader??

My simple answer is this: Authentic Armor Bearers (servant leaders) help perfect those they serve by loyally investing, respecting, elevating, and loving them. They walk the talk and inspire their leaders to raise their game. That’s ultimately why they’re sought after to be leaders themselves.

Think about a few parallels in duties/traits between an armor bearer and those in leadership (I certainly hope you expect those who lead you to have these traits)

• Competence – People look to leaders for sound guidance and leaders look to their followers to be able to get the job done
• Confidence - Must have an attitude/disposition that is attractive and will inspire others
• Concern - Must be tuned into and have a deep down respect for those around them. This includes acceptance for and tolerance of others’ personalities and way of doing things
• Courage - Must possess the strength to press and force their way forward without giving way under tremendous pressure
• Loyalty – Armor Bearers have their leaders back and there comes a time when every leader must take the target off the back of his armor bearer and place it on his own

Servant Leadership is not an oxymoron. Leadership is built upon serving, sacrificing, and seeking the greatest good of those being led. If we could master the servant mentality, what greater influence we would have and better leaders we would become.

Tags: leadership | service | armorbearing

In my first blog post I talked about why I started Armor-Bearer.com - essentially out of a recognition that I had neglected an important area of my life, forming true armor bearer friendships (with someone other than my wife - I'll explain that in another blog post).  With that recognition, and the desire to seek out such friendships - I need an action plan, and maybe you do to.

So, my challenge to myself and perhaps you is this - What is at least one action step you can take this week to improve the quality of your friendships and relationships?

Chuck Swindoll, evangelist and prominent Christian broadcaster, identifies four characteristic of intimate friendship:

1. An intimate friend is willing to sacrifice,
2. An intimate friend is a loyal defense before others,
3. Intimate friends give each other complete freedom to be themselves, and
4. An intimate friend is a constant source of encouragement

So, if I want to be intentional in my efforts to obtain and sustain intimate friendships here are a few steps I plan to put into practice in the days and weeks ahead:

1) As cliche as it sounds - Treat your friends how you want to be treated.  Yep, this is the golden rule, but I know it's critical to strong friendships.  Anytime I treat a friend with respect, they tend to want to reciprocate. I encourage them, they motivate me. Confide in them, and they confide in me. And so on.  I feel I do this step already, but I have to remind myself and demonstrate this even more every day!

2) Never be too busy for your friends.  To achieve an armor bearer friendship I have to be *present* in my friends' lives.  A true friend is one who never seems too busy to lend an ear, lend a hand, help solve a problem - you are simply there for them without your own agenda. [A good friend will help you move; a true friend will help you move the bodies - just a bit of crude humor]

3) Allow your friends room to grow, accept both their strengths and weaknesses.  My friends may not be perfect, but neither am I.  My responsibility as a friend is simply to love them and not try to change or fix them.

And I know I'll struggle the most with this next one, at least the second part - but I have to get there to be a 21st century armor bearer:

4)  Pray for and with your friends.  I do pray for my friends, but praying *with* them is not something I'm 100% comfortable with yet.  Even praying with my wife (outside of at the dinner table) is not a natural thing for me.  I know the encouraging power of Prayer and I know that once I learn to pray with my friends that we will share more than a friendship, we will be brothers that share a loving
Father.

So, time for your feedback - - - What helps you sustain your friendships and relationships?

Tags: encouragement | prayer | friendship

Welcome everyone to my blog site and more importantly my first real blog post.  I wanted to set the stage for why I'm doing this and what you can expect in blog entries to follow.  Why "Armor-Bearer.com"? What's that tag-line mean ("Serving and Supporting in the Spirit of Armorbearing")?

I've been micro-blogging since earlier this year via Twitter (@DouglasLess) and many of my "tweets" seem to focus on topics of service, leadership, management, life lessons, and famous quotes in an attempt to inspire, motivate, encourage, and maybe even to challenge folks a bit.  My passion for leadership really came into focus three years ago when it was made clear to me that we need to examine and strengthen our beliefs if we are to change our impact and effectiveness with those around us.  Thanks to some awesome Bible-based teaching and connecting with successful Christian leaders - I'm discovering more and more how to use my talents in a God-honoring way.

So, Armor-Bearer.com was spawned from two related things - a Bible passage that hit a chord with me and the opportunity to deliver my first sermon just one month ago with that very Bible verse as the centerpiece of the message.  The passage comes from the Old Testament, in First Samuel chapter 14, Verse 7:

"Do all that you have in mind," his armor-bearer said. "Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul."

The armor-bearer that said these encouraging 16 words was that of Jonathan, the prince and son of Israel's King Saul.  Jonathan, a mere teenager at the time, was about to embark on what seemed like an impossible mission of entering the enemy encampment of seasoned Philistine soldiers by himself while the rest of Saul's discouraged, nearly defeated, army lay sleeping.  The armor-bearer believed in Jonathan and by saying "I am with you heart and soul" his faith actually helped to increase Jonathan's faith and together these two young men start a battle that conquers an army.

These words resonated with me - when was the last time I've told anyone I was with them "heart and soul"?  And is there someone in my life that would say the same to me - that they are with me, with me all the way.  God is looking for people that have that kind of heart, who are willing to encourage those they are called to serve - he even gives them a name - he calls them Armor Bearers.

I realize that I've been focused for so long on family and career that I've not made the time or space in my life for an armor bearer friendship.  So, I created Armor-Bearer.com because as Christians we need each other.  Every man and every women needs someone to walk through this life together - someone who will be with you heart and soul, no matter what.  

I personally want to be considered a modern day armor bearer to my friends, family, church, church leaders, and clients - someone you can count on to support you, help you, and benefit you especially when you face trials or great challenges.

Cheers!

Tags: armorbearing | leader | leadership | armor-bearer | friendship | service